WILLIAM BARR, AGE 9, PRESENTS HIS REPORT CARD: “Let me give you the headline, mom. No Fs—zero!—in Spelling, Art, or Gym. My deportment is “greatly […] improved.” Blah blah “nose-picking,” blah blah “stole Suzy’s lunch.” My history grade remains Classified. Sign here. Or I can.”

— Joe Keenan (@MrJoeKeenan) March 26, 2019