Sources I’d trust more than Chuck C Johnson:

- a chicken
- a piece of toast
- backwards-recorded messages on a ska record
- a crayon drawing of the aforementioned chicken
- an ayahuasca hallucination
- the humming noise the fluorescent light in the kitchen makes
- a ventriloquist dummy of Chuck Johnson
- a piece of whole-wheat toast
- Renfield from Dracula
- a taco
- pretty much any Mexican dish involving tortillas, beans, and cheese
- the Tom Jones fanclub newsletter
- most igneous rocks
- the skull of Jan Vermeer
- the aforementioned chicken, after it’s been made into coq au vin