re: #325 jamesfirecat

///Are you really gonna believe that JFK swam to safety dragging a fellow crewman with just his teeth? Really?

No, no, he chopped off his own arms and legs to make himself smaller, then ingested them, then pulled himself and 10 injured men through a small hole in the wall using only his penis and his teeth in a bizarre move known only as “the trebuchet”, then hurled himself through the hole, regurgitated his severed limbs, and finally sewed them back on using a combination of jungle vines and jaguar saliva.