re: #339 reine.de.tout

Hell.
I understand.
My brother got the $80,000 piece of sculpture. Which honestly, no one knew was worth $80,000, and I’m very glad he has it and appreciates it.

But these things never work out equally.

I was executrix of my parents’ estate, and I waived the (substantial) fee I was entitled to as such.
SNIP

I was quite lucky in this regard (given the non-luck in losing parents and siblings “before their time”.)

My parents, in their near-infinite wisdom, set up a irrevocable trust fund to handle their estate. When my father died things went in a very straightforward manner in that the trust was split and all the taxes/fees were paid off on the one-half of the estate. There was a trustee (initially my mother, and then me) overseeing that trust. The other half of the trust, plus any other items went to my mother as primary/sole heir. (During this time period my parents were also gifting their children with a couple thousand $ a year each since they could do that tax-free.

When my mother died in 2000 (after a year-long fight with brain cancer) my brother was executor of the estate. The two trust funds were split evenly between the surviving heirs per the will. My brother and I went through the personal items and furniture without practically any rancor and split things up according to need and available room. (And we essentially kept my sister-in-law out of this for the most part.)

The other items (outstanding bills, non-trust investments, etc.) were turned over to a probate lawyer to handled. Who then proceeded to do *nothing* for over a year. At that point my brother got fed up and took everything back from the lawyer. He got power of attorney fairly easily since I was willing to sign it over as the other heir and then proceeded to clear everything up. Which included finding an insurance policy that had matured twenty years previously and also an annuity account that we didn’t know even existed.

Bizarre stuff. And from that I’ve taken steps to make sure I keep a current list of items like that for whoever has to clean up after me. (Employers have changed enough times that I have 2-3 IRAs from rolled-over 401K and/or closed out pension systems.)

I think the real key to these matters is attitude. My brother and I had *zero* expectations of inheriting anything from our parents beyond some mementos and personal items. No feelings entitlement, and there were very few items that we both wanted — and for many of the items it was obvious they should go to his side since he had the children that would inherit the family heirlooms. (I don’t have any children.)