Commandments of marriage

COMMANDMENT 1:

Marriages are made in heaven. So is thunder and lightning.

COMMANDMENT 2:

If you want your wife to listen to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

COMMANDMENT 3:

Marriage is grand and divorce is 100 grand.

COMMANDMENT 4:

In the first year of marriage the man speaks and the woman listen. In the
second year the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year of
marriage they both speak and the neighbours listen.

COMMANDMENT 5:

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife you can be sure of one
thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

COMMANDMENT 6:

Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one, The trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.

COMMANDMENT 7:

Before marriage a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you
said. After marriage he’ll fall asleep before you finish.

COMMANDMENT 8:

Every man wants a wife who’s beautiful, understanding, economical and a good
cook. But the law only allows for one wife.

COMMANDMENT 9:

Marriage is a matter of chemistry. That’s why one treats the other like
toxic waste.

COMMANDMENT 10:

A man is incomplete until he’s married. After that he’s finished.


The last giggle:

A man attending the funeral of a friend’s wife comments on the stormy
weather, “
Yes” the widower says, looking up, “It seems she’s already there”.