I will have all of you know that I was victimized as a child by a gang of Frogs.

Not that any of you would understand.

But they came to town in the Citroens - accordion music blasting as they drove by. I was walking home from little league and wanted to go to the ice cream parlor that Jimmy Fredrickson and I always went to. But when we got there there was no where to sit - Frogs everywhere! All of them asking for “Croak Messieurs” and eating eclairs. I tried to not make eye contact with any of them but as Jimmy and I tried to leave they blocked the door.

“Geeev us your mo-nay!” the head Frog said. I mumbled “no”

“Zen we will trrreat you like a fly! Your mo-nay now, American Peeg!”

“No!” I protested. So they started attacking me with their tongues - some from completely across the the room. Their tongues were sticky and pulled at my clothes. Ultimately one of them found my pocket and pulled out my money - $5 I earned from mowing Mrs. Culbertson’s lawn.

“Croaks pour everyone!” the thief yelled.

I ran away in humiliation and started drinking cough syrup, which led to a life of addictions which I have only recently overcome.

[in Glenn’s deepest voice]

From that day … from that day I swore. I swore I’d exact my revenge.

I have.