YOUR FAMILY MIGHT BE TOO HOOAH IF,

* Your wife’s two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam.
* You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed in a tactical chow line at five meter intervals
* Before you hit the road on vacation you conduct rehearsals, back briefs, PCI, and cover your convoy checklist.
* Your children clear their hand receipt and housing before they go to college.
* Your wife has more jumps than most LTs in the company.
* Your kids call the yard their MWR area.
* You require your mechanic to replace the sandbags in your floorboard as a part of a tune-up.
* Your station wagon is equipped with blackout lights, OVE, OVM, and has to be properly dispatched.
* Your kids call their mother “Household 6.”
* Your kids volunteer to pull air guard on the school bus.
* Your doorbell sounds off with the current challenge and password.
* Your house has sector sketches posted by every window.
* You give the command “Fix Bayonets” at Thanksgiving Dinner.
* Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on separate rations.
* You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night.
* Your kindergartner calls recess “smoke break.”
* Your wife calls foreplay “prepping the objective.”
* Your wife conducts an AAR after sex.
* Your wife “takes a knee” in the checkout line at the Food Lion.
* You do your “back to school” shopping at the U.S. Cavalry store.
* Your kids call the tooth fairy “Slicky Boy.”
* Your son fails the third grade but tells everyone he was a “phase three recycle.”
* Your kids salute their grandparents.
* Your wife’s “high-n-tight” is more squared away than your commander’s.
* Your kids get a LES for their allowance.
* Your grandmother won “All American Week” and “Best Ranger.”
* All your kids have names that start with AR, FM, TM, or DA Form.
* Your pick-up has your name stenciled on the windshield.
* Your kids are hand-receipt holders.
* Your older kids call the youngest one “Cherry.”
* Your kids recite their ABCs phonetically.
* Your wife keeps Mermites in the China cabinet.
* You call your in-laws the “Slice Elements.”
* Your dog’s name is “Ranger.”
* All your possessions are military issue.
* Your kids call their sandbox “NTC or CMTC”
* You have pull-up bars outside the kitchen door.
* Your daughter’s first haircut was a flattop.
* Your kids pull fireguard.
* Your newborn’s first words were “all OK Jumpmaster.”
* The only channels you get are CNN, and ESPN.