Onion: End of Print Journalism Disproportionately Affects Loons

I visited an aunt in Chicago in the summer of 1973. She was saving every article on Watergate, and had stopped cutting them out, she just saved the whole paper. Stacks everywhere. She's still a bit odd, but she has a husband who keeps the dangerous behavior in check....

Modern loons will have old keyboards and mice and printers stacked everywhere.

Mad Al-Jaffee Sat, Mar 6, 2010 12:45:48pm

I posted that story to the spinoff links, I think yesterday.

ryannon Sat, Mar 6, 2010 12:48:08pm

re: #5 wrenchwench

I visited an aunt in Chicago in the summer of 1973. She was saving every article on Watergate, and had stopped cutting them out, she just saved the whole paper. Stacks everywhere. She's still a bit odd, but she has a husband who keeps the dangerous behavior in check...

Modern loons will have old keyboards and mice and printers stacked everywhere.

Steampunk has put a beautiful spin on that idea:

[Link: images.google.com...]

ryannon Sat, Mar 6, 2010 12:56:11pm

It's a bird, a plane - a computer?

[Link: fusionmods.net...]

Tigger2005 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:06:13pm

My mom saved the KC newspapers on the moon landing and the JFK assassination. I saved the papers from the collapse of the Soviet Union and from the KC Royals' pennant chase and eventual World Series victory in 1985. I would hate to think of print journalism ever going away entirely. There's something about holding a newspaper in your hand that makes the past real...this WAS. It happened.

Even if some of it was made up.

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:07:51pm

re: #4 ryannon

Print journalism is already dead.

Like many other institutions and technologies, it just doesn't know it yet.

And some people.

ryannon Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:10:06pm

re: #10 Cato the Elder

And some people.

Is that you, James Joyce?

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:10:22pm

Can anyone tell me who among the current Lizards lives in Israel? I have a friend there who needs help.

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:11:04pm

re: #11 ryannon

Stephen Dedalus, at your service.

Stanghazi Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:12:13pm

re: #5 wrenchwench

Did you see today's Doonsbury? You were called out!

[Link: www.doonesbury.com...]

Killgore Trout Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:12:48pm

re: #12 Cato the Elder

I think Allouette has family there.

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:13:20pm

re: #15 Killgore Trout

I think Allouette has family there.

Thanks!

ryannon Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:14:30pm

re: #13 Cato the Elder

Stephen Dedalus, at your service.

Then write me a lovely slim volume of poetry.

You can call it Chamber Music.

ryannon Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:16:48pm

re: #10 Cato the Elder

And some people.

Gentle lady, do not sing
Sad songs about the end of love;
Lay aside sadness and sing
How love that passes is enough.
Sing about the long deep sleep
Of lovers that are dead, and how
In the grave all love shall sleep:
Love is aweary now.

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:18:21pm

re: #17 ryannon

Then write me a lovely slim volume of poetry.

You can call it Chamber Music.

My favorite:

Lean out of the window,
Goldenhair,
I hear you singing
A merry air.

My book was closed;
I read no more,
Watching the fire dance
On the floor.

I have left my book,
I have left my room
For I heard you singing
Through the gloom,

Singing and singing
A merry air.
Lean out of the window,
Goldenhair.

wrenchwench Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:18:59pm

re: #14 Stanley Sea

Did you see today's Doonsbury? You were called out!

[Link: www.doonesbury.com...]

Cool! Thanks!

By the way, I was surprised when I first googled "wrenchwench." None of those are me. I only post here. And somebody actually called me that in real life ten years ago. (I have a wrench with my real name on it.)

sattv4u2 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:19:27pm

re: #19 Cato the Elder

My favorite

There once was a woman from Nantucket ,,

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:19:52pm

re: #20 wrenchwench

Cool! Thanks!

By the way, I was surprised when I first googled "wrenchwench." None of those are me. I only post here. And somebody actually called me that in real life ten years ago. (I have a wrench with my real name on it.)

A torque wrench?

ryannon Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:20:04pm

re: #19 Cato the Elder

My favorite:

Lean out of the window,
Goldenhair,
I hear you singing
A merry air.

My book was closed;
I read no more,
Watching the fire dance
On the floor.

I have left my book,
I have left my room
For I heard you singing
Through the gloom,

Singing and singing
A merry air.
Lean out of the window,
Goldenhair.

Mine also.

But not tonight.

I hear an army charging upon the land,
And the thunder of horses plunging, foam about their knees:
Arrogant, in black armour, behind them stand,
Disdaining the reins, with fluttering whips, the charioteers.
They cry unto the night their battle-name:
I moan in sleep when I hear afar their whirling laughter.
They cleave the gloom of dreams, a blinding flame,
Clanging, clanging upon the heart as upon an anvil.
They come shaking in triumph their long, green hair:
They come out of the sea and run shouting by the shore.
My heart, have you no wisdom thus to despair?
My love, my love, my love, why have you left me alone?

wrenchwench Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:21:30pm

re: #22 Cato the Elder

A torque wrench?

A cone wrench. A pair of them, actually. One is nailed up on my office door.

Stanghazi Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:22:21pm

re: #24 wrenchwench

A cone wrench. A pair of them, actually. One is nailed up on my office door.

Don't have to answer but I've wondered - bikes or motorbikes?

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:22:24pm

re: #24 wrenchwench

A cone wrench. A pair of them, actually. One is nailed up on my office door.

I'll date any woman who knows how to use a torque wrench.

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:22:58pm

re: #23 ryannon

"I wrote Chamber Music as a protest against myself." --JJ

sattv4u2 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:23:46pm

re: #26 Cato the Elder

I'll date any woman who knows how to use a torque wrench.

wouldn't it be cheaper and easier just to buy one for yourself?

(umm,,, a torque wrench that is ,,, not a woman!!)

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:23:51pm

This is the end, Beautiful friend
This is the end, My only friend, the end.
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end...

SixDegrees Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:24:00pm

Wow.

We bought a new washer and dryer a few months ago, when our faithful, 15 year old pair finally bought the farm. Sprang for a front loader, mostly because of it's claimed water and energy efficiency.

I just got our quarterly water bill. It's less than half what it was a year ago.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:25:03pm

re: #21 sattv4u2

My favorite

There once was a woman from Nantucket ,,
Who kept all his gold in a bucket
His daughter named Nan
Ran off with a man
And as for the bucket? Nantucket.
//

ryannon Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:25:16pm

re: #27 Cato the Elder

"I wrote Chamber Music as a protest against myself." --JJ

Being James Joyce was far from an easy job.

Lots of incipient (and not so incipient) madness in those genes.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:25:26pm

re: #30 SixDegrees

Front loaders are the shinizzle.

wrenchwench Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:25:41pm

re: #25 Stanley Sea

Don't have to answer but I've wondered - bikes or motorbikes?

Bicycles.

re: #26 Cato the Elder

I'll date any woman who knows how to use a torque wrench.

I know how, but I'm not single....

sattv4u2 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:26:12pm

re: #30 SixDegrees

Wow.

We bought a new washer and dryer a few months ago, when our faithful, 15 year old pair finally bought the farm. Sprang for a front loader, mostly because of it's claimed water and energy efficiency.

I just got our quarterly water bill. It's less than half what it was a year ago.

Cool,,, I have a pair of new LG's being delivered Tuesday. I can't beleive I'm excited about a washer/ dryer delivery. The ones we have now ar OVER 20 years (Maytags). I've donated them to a homeless shelter

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:26:37pm

re: #31 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Oh crap. You said woman. My bad.

Didn't notice.

(runs away crying)

Varek Raith Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:30:11pm

re: #36 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Oh crap. You said woman. My bad.

Didn't notice.

(runs away crying)

*Hands FBV a pie*

sattv4u2 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:31:46pm

re: #37 Varek Raith

*Hands FBV a pie*

don't ,, pie is a REWARD ,,, he screwed up!!

NO PIE FOR YOU,,,,, ONE YEAR!!

Cato the Elder Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:32:23pm

re: #28 sattv4u2

wouldn't it be cheaper and easier just to buy one for yourself?

(umm,,, a torque wrench that is ,,, not a woman!!)

I have two.

sattv4u2 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:33:04pm

re: #39 Cato the Elder

I have two.

wrenches ,, wenches ,,, or ,!?!?!?

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:34:42pm

re: #38 sattv4u2

What if you can't find me?...

SixDegrees Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:37:50pm

re: #35 sattv4u2

Cool,,, I have a pair of new LG's being delivered Tuesday. I can't beleive I'm excited about a washer/ dryer delivery. The ones we have now ar OVER 20 years (Maytags). I've donated them to a homeless shelter

Yeah - my old ones were Magic Chefs, which were made by Maytag. Used to be a great company, but I understand that's no longer true.

The front loaders are sweet, although they're somewhat louder than the old style because they spin so fast. You could probably use them to enrich uranium.

sattv4u2 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:39:28pm

re: #42 SixDegrees

Yeah - my old ones were Magic Chefs, which were made by Maytag. Used to be a great company, but I understand that's no longer true.

The front loaders are sweet, although they're somewhat louder than the old style because they spin so fast. You could probably use them to enrich uranium.

Well,,, the ones we bought aren't "THE" top of the line,, but pretty close. I also bought the padding and pedastal to put underneath them

Varek Raith Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:40:43pm

re: #42 SixDegrees

Yeah - my old ones were Magic Chefs, which were made by Maytag. Used to be a great company, but I understand that's no longer true.

The front loaders are sweet, although they're somewhat louder than the old style because they spin so fast. You could probably use them to enrich uranium.

....how the hell did you know I was enri....uh...never, uh, mind. Yeah.
;)

reine.de.tout Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:42:56pm

re: #5 wrenchwench

I visited an aunt in Chicago in the summer of 1973. She was saving every article on Watergate, and had stopped cutting them out, she just saved the whole paper. Stacks everywhere. She's still a bit odd, but she has a husband who keeps the dangerous behavior in check...

Modern loons will have old keyboards and mice and printers stacked everywhere.

And site bookmarks all over their computers, with so many categories they can't even find anything. (I'm close to being there myself, right now! But at least I don't have stacks of paper).

Wrenchwench-
I bought and kept Time, Newsweek, USNews magazines for:
1. Nixon
2. the assassination attempt on Reagan
3. Some other events through time.

I figured some day it will be interesting to look back at the coverage of things then, compared to whatever is current.

SixDegrees Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:44:15pm

re: #43 sattv4u2

Well,,, the ones we bought aren't "THE" top of the line,, but pretty close. I also bought the padding and pedastal to put underneath them

The pedestals are pretty much required. I wouldn't want to schlep clothes out of the washer if it was at floor level. Makes the dryer much easier to address, as well.

Enjoy.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:46:17pm

Because I know how...

wrenchwench Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:51:57pm

re: #45 reine.de.tout

And site bookmarks all over their computers, with so many categories they can't even find anything. (I'm close to being there myself, right now! But at least I don't have stacks of paper).

Wrenchwench-
I bought and kept Time, Newsweek, USNews magazines for:
1. Nixon
2. the assassination attempt on Reagan
3. Some other events through time.

I figured some day it will be interesting to look back at the coverage of things then, compared to whatever is current.

I kept my Letter to the Editor that got published in the LA Times in 1976. I was in high school. I was chastising some Dow executive for an editorial he wrote about how we don't need to worry about air pollution.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:52:59pm

Loons.

Heh.

Stanghazi Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:55:37pm

re: #48 wrenchwench

I kept my Letter to the Editor that got published in the LA Times in 1976. I was in high school. I was chastising some Dow executive for an editorial he wrote about how we don't need to worry about air pollution.

Bravo!

sattv4u2 Sat, Mar 6, 2010 1:57:09pm

re: #44 Varek Raith

...how the hell did you know I was enri...uh...never, uh, mind. Yeah.
;)

He could tell you, but then theres that whole have ta kill ya part after !

The Sanity Inspector Sat, Mar 6, 2010 2:08:29pm

The Juice Control American Foreign Policy, the Dubai hit edition...

Aceofwhat? Sat, Mar 6, 2010 2:14:00pm

re: #47 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Because I know how...

you know how to play it? eminently cool...

keloyd Sat, Mar 6, 2010 2:47:59pm

re: #52 The Sanity Inspector

I got a kick out of their proof of CIA involvement. Their logic - since so many Israelis have dual US citizenship, the fact that none of these suspects have US citizenship is suspicious and proves that they were handpicked with CIA help to look as if we weren't pulling the strings. We are cunning, but were too clever by half this time, and they figured it out!

/stroking my long curling waxed mustache like Snidely Whiplash

Liberal Classic Sat, Mar 6, 2010 4:04:07pm

I disagree. The internet has been a boon to loons.

wrenchwench Sat, Mar 6, 2010 4:59:51pm

This is the first entry tagged: Stackability

We're going to have to do something about that now, aren't we.

Spy Mode Auto

This article has been archived.
Comments are closed.

Jump to top

Onion: End of Print Journalism Disproportionately Affects Loons

► LGF Headlines

► Top 10 Comments

► Bottom Comments

► Recent Comments

► Tools/Info

► Tag Cloud