Brain-Dead Breitbart Rant of the Day: “The Onion Goes Anti-Semitic”

Humor: unclear on the concept

We have a winner in today’s Most Ridiculous Right Wing Rant contest, and once again it goes to the inimitable, reliably deranged, where hack William Bigelow is screaming in all caps: THE ONION GOES ANTI-SEMITIC!

So now The Onion, celebrated for their zany approach to the news, has fallen under the spell of the radical left and has become one more mouthpiece for anti-Semitic propaganda. In their latest attempt at humor, The Onion posted this piece of Palestinian propaganda:

As civilian casualties continue to mount amid the escalating conflict along the Gaza Strip, 8-year-old Palestinian boy Walid Suleiman expressed both joy and astonishment Monday that he has yet to be killed in an Israeli military attack. ‘Boy, I thought I’d be dead by this past Saturday for sure, but amazingly enough, here I am,’ said Suleiman, adding that he is ‘pleased, but pretty shocked’ not to be among the estimated 100 Palestinians left dead by widespread Israeli airstrikes in the region over the past six days. ‘I’d have bet you anything that by today they’d have already dug my corpse out from underneath a giant pile of rubble and buried me alongside the rest of my family. Guess I won the lottery, eh?’ At press time, incoming Israeli aircraft could be heard swiftly approaching as Suleiman limped back to his home.

That’s the ticket, Onion. Buy into the ‘plight’ of the Palestinians and ignore the fact that Hamas started the violence, that Hamas has fired on Israeli cities, that there are strong rumors that Hamas now has chemical weapons it can launch. Ignore the fact that Hamas deliberately places its rocket sites in civilian areas in an attempt to force Israel to kill civilians for left wing media consumption. Ignore that Hamas deliberately targets civilians while Israel takes great care not to.

Here’s one for you, Onion:

As their print version dried up with the last issue on November 1, 2012, the Onion, the celebrated satirical publication, decided to sell out to anti-Semitic propagandizing. ‘We noticed that Jews are becoming an easy target for vilification,’ explained the editor, ‘and we just couldn’t resist the impulse to jump on the bandwagon. I mean, look at history; some of the most successful publications in history, like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, vilified the Jews too.’

Where do you even start with such a humorless drone of a Breitbrat? I guess he’s never noticed that the Onion is satire, which is odd because that’s usually Rush Limbaugh’s excuse and you’d think wingnuts would be familiar with the concept. Yes, the Onion’s satire is often very pointed and pushes people’s buttons, and it obviously pushed William Bigelow’s wingnut rant button, which for the Onion is a mark of success.

But look: the Onion makes fun of everyone and everything. It’s what they’ve been doing for many years. For example, this article that’s every bit as brutal as the one Bigelow’s clutching his pearls over: Crazed Palestinian Gunman Angered by Stereotypes.

HEBRON, WEST BANK—In an emotionally charged press conference Monday, crazed Palestinian gunman Faisal al Hamad expressed frustration over the stereotyping of his people.

“As a crazed Palestinian gunman, I feel hurt by the negative portrayal of my people in the media,” said al Hamad, 31, a Hebron-area terrorist maniac. “None of us should have to live with stereotyping and ignorance.”

He then began screaming and firing into a busload of Israeli schoolchildren.

William Bigelow, by the way, was featured in August at LGF when he posted a stunningly bigoted anti-Muslim conspiracy theory at, earning him the title: Your Bigoted Fear-Mongering All-Caps Headline of the Day.

With this non-satirical illustration:

That actually could have been an Onion headline, but Bigelow was not joking.

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