North Korea Rocket Launch Fail

No nukes

WorldApril 2012 • Views: 29,299

You may have already heard that North Korea attempted to launch a multi-stage long range rocket today, and failed, so here’s a thread to point and laugh at me, because I admit I actually thought for one naïve, optimistic moment that the death of Kim Jong-Il might lead to saner relations with this rogue nation.

I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy, but the bigger laugh is on Kim Jong-un, whose scary long range nuclear missile barely got off the launch pad before falling apart.

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86 comments

austin_blue Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:27:40pm

Kaputnik!

We'll done, NORKS!

[deleted] Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:28:57pm

allegro Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:30:26pm

They run out of super glue? Grab the Elmer's boys!

Kragar Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:31:31pm

I blame Alec Baldwin.

Youtube Video

jaunte Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:31:55pm

Bad night to be an NK rocket man.

jamesfirecat Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:32:20pm

Ha ha!

Achilles Tang Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:34:44pm

re: #5 jaunte

Bad night to be an NK rocket man.

Yeah, but I can't believe they have too many of them.

Next for the backup plan. The nuke test.

Bob Dillon Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:38:25pm

"I actually thought for one naïve, optimistic moment that the death of Kim Jong-Il might lead to saner relations with this rogue nation."

Sigh, you weren't alone.

Targetpractice Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:39:31pm

No worries Charles, I'm certainly not gonna laugh at ya. I too was naive enough to believe that Kim Jr's coronation might mean a thawing of relations and perhaps some liberalization of that godforsaken land.

But no, Li'l Kim the 2^nd seems to have decided that he shall show he can fill daddy's ballet slippers by staging a rocket shot that goes nowhere and does nothing more than consign thousands more of his people to starvation.

Achilles Tang Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:40:11pm

re: #8 Bob Dillon

"I actually thought for one naïve, optimistic moment that the death of Kim Jong-Il might lead to saner relations with this rogue nation."

Sigh, you weren't alone.

I don't for a moment believe the chubby son of the chubby father runs that territory.

SpaceJesus Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:40:37pm

I wonder who the fuck is in control over there

funky chicken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:41:19pm

I'm surprised you thought the doughy playboy would want to improve the lives of other North Koreans.

SpaceJesus Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:41:23pm

besides gravity

Achilles Tang Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:41:28pm

re: #11 SpaceJesus

I wonder who the fuck is in control over there

Think Orwell.

Bob Dillon Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:42:04pm

re: #10 Flame Fin Tomini Tang

I don't for a moment believe the chubby son of the chubby father runs that territory.

Watching the videos and photos of the funeral and other events since shows the power elite who's who.

A Man for all Seasons Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:42:10pm

Let's see.. We have a 20ish year old kid that controls a Country, an Army, The old man's Money, booze and porn collection.. Oh well if the rocket doesn't fly the Nuke will surely go Bang

darthstar Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:43:25pm

re: #7 Flame Fin Tomini Tang

Yeah, but I can't believe they have too many of them.

Next for the backup plan. The nuke test.

That's when Iran gets to show North Korea how it's done...hopefully with the same level of success.

SpaceJesus Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:43:39pm

CNC!

Youtube Video

BishopX Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:43:48pm

The North Koreans have the same problem the soviets had. They time their scientific achievements to national holidays. And, like any project anywhere, projects are never finished on time, so things fall apart.

The Ghost of a Flea Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:46:59pm

re: #16 HoosierHoops

Let's see.. We have a 20ish year old kid that controls a Country, an Army, The old man's Money, booze and porn collection.. Oh well if the rocket doesn't fly the Nuke will surely go Bang

I really, really hope their incompetence when it comes to nukes is of the "not irradiating your already-starving citizens" variety. Those people are already screwed in so many ways.

TedStriker Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:48:37pm

re: #16 HoosierHoops

Let's see.. We have a 20ish year old kid that controls a Country, an Army, The old man's Money, booze and porn collection.. Oh well if the rocket doesn't fly the Nuke will surely go Bang

Call me cynical, but I think Jong-un is in charge of exactly two things: jack and shit. Daddy's (and Granddaddy's) generals have had a long time to carve up the power behind-the-scenes; I think they'd rather see the Korean Peninsula go up in a mushroom-shaped fireball than concede any real power and allow any real reform or reconciliation with the South.

aagcobb Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:48:58pm

re: #20 The Ghost of a Flea

I really, really hope their incompetence when it comes to nukes is of the "not irradiating your already-starving citizens" variety. Those people are already screwed in so many ways.

Its like they think "1984" is a how-to manual.

austin_blue Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:49:11pm

You may have already heard that North Korea attempted to launch a multi-stage long range rocket today...

Sadly for the HMFWIC, it turned to be an extremely short range rocket...

Killgore Trout Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:50:08pm

You may have already heard that North Korea attempted to launch a multi-stage long range rocket today, and failed, so here’s a thread to point and laugh at me, because I admit I actually thought for one naïve, optimistic moment that the death of Kim Jong-Il might lead to saner relations with this rogue nation.
I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy, but the bigger laugh is on Kim Jong-un, whose scary long range nuclear missile barely got off the launch pad before falling apart.

Don't fell bad. The real laugh is on all those people who are going to starve to death so these idiots could blow up some worthless missile in the name of national pride. Can't wait for the upcoming nuclear tests, many more laughs to come.
/

Killgore Trout Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:51:47pm

re: #18 SpaceJesus

CNC!

[Embedded content]

TNT

Youtube Video

Varek Raith Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:52:46pm

No surprise there.
Ah, well.

TedStriker Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:53:54pm

re: #26 Varek Raith

No surprise there.
Ah, well.

Be truthful now...you took it out, right?

Varek Raith Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:54:55pm

re: #27 talon_262

Be truthful now...you took it out, right?

/

No comment.

TedStriker Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:55:22pm

re: #28 Varek Raith

No comment.

Wise Sith.

Kragar Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:55:47pm

re: #26 Varek Raith

No surprise there.
Ah, well.

Obviously they were using a Capissen 38 Mark II engine.

erik_t Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:55:59pm

Given the necessary radio equipment is actually quite illegal in the DPRK, and the necessary optics far beyond even a Western citizen, the government is probably proclaiming a successful launch. In all likelihood Lil' Kim (and/or his generals) are broadcasting the necessary every-90-min pulses of patriotic music from their 'satellite' and the greater population is none the wiser.

Targetpractice Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:56:39pm

re: #28 Varek Raith

No comment.

*quietly passes briefcase to Varek* Your country thanks you for your service.

///

Varek Raith Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:56:48pm

re: #30 Kragar

Obviously they were using a Capissen 38 Mark II engine.

Win.

Kragar Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:57:21pm

re: #33 Varek Raith

Win.

Shiny.

A Man for all Seasons Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:58:26pm

re: #21 talon_262

Call me cynical, but I think Jong-un is in charge of exactly two things: jack and shit. Daddy's (and Granddaddy's) generals have had a long time to carve up the power behind-the-scenes; I think they'd rather see the Korean Peninsula go up in a mushroom-shaped fireball than concede any real power and allow any real reform or reconciliation with the South.

I would tend to agree with you.. Except
Kim Could wake up from a drunken party at 4am and put to death any general in NK. No General could do that to him..

austin_blue Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:58:46pm

re: #33 Varek Raith

Win.

You can't take the sky from me.

erik_t Thu, Apr 12, 2012 6:59:22pm

re: #35 HoosierHoops

I would tend to agree with you.. Except
Kim Could wake up from a drunken party at 4am and put to death any general in NK. No General could do that to him..

You're more confident in the power structure than I am. Quite easy to blame a death on Imperialist Yankee Spies or whatever.

Varek Raith Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:03:13pm

re: #36 austin_blue

You can't take the sky from me.

Why, yes.
Yes I can.
:evilgrin:

The Ghost of a Flea Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:06:36pm

re: #22 aagcobb

Its like they think "1984" is a how-to manual.

1984--by way of being a fictional distillation of actual authoritarian use of information control--would actually be a pretty good how-to.

re: #37 erik_t

You're more confident in the power structure than I am. Quite easy to blame a death on Imperialist Yankee Spies or whatever.

Maintaining an inviolable central figure...in this case, the Kim family line...is actual very important to mystique of governance and the larger propaganda narrative of North Korea. The concept that the populace is sold is that the Kims are so smart, charismatic, and astute that they keep the rest of the world from overrunning NK. Jong-Un being "touchable" by foreign powers would mar that concept.

erik_t Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:08:45pm

re: #39 The Ghost of a Flea

Maintaining an inviolable central figure...in this case, the Kim family line...is actual very important to mystique of governance and the larger propaganda narrative of North Korea. The concept that the populace is sold is that the Kims are so smart, charismatic, and astute that they keep the rest of the world from overrunning NK. Jong-Un being "touchable" by foreign powers would mar that concept.

Quite the contrary. You just need to spin it right. The assassination of a Kim confirms that the big bad west really is out to get you. It is proof that all of the sacrifices of the population have not been in vain, and indeed more measures may need to be taken and can easily be justified.

Nearly any nasty outside event, real or imagined, can be used to strengthen a crazed dictatorship.

SanFranciscoZionist Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:10:36pm

re: #11 SpaceJesus

I wonder who the fuck is in control over there

I personally vote for his aunt. She looks scary as hell.

JAFO Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:11:57pm

He's going to need to marry and produce a new 'lil kim' very soon.

freetoken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:12:54pm

re: #42 Ghost of Tom Joad

He's going to need to marry and produce a new 'lil kim' very soon.

They could just clone him.

Four More Tears Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:19:15pm

re: #43 freetoken

They could just clone him.

They should clone their rocket scientists before handing out the punishments for this embarrassment.

SanFranciscoZionist Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:22:35pm

re: #42 Ghost of Tom Joad

He's going to need to marry and produce a new 'lil kim' very soon.

On of his nephews is Kim Han-Sol. Without knowing a thing about him, as a Star Wars buff I think he would be fine dictator.

jamesfirecat Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:22:53pm

re: #44 Oblivious Troll

They should clone their rocket scientists before handing out the punishments for this embarrassment.

I don't know, I hear Emperor Papalpatine tried to do the same thing with his favorite super weapon scientist and that didn't really work out well for him....

watching you tiny alien kittens are Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:23:29pm

re: #24 Killgore Trout

Don't fell bad. The real laugh is on all those people who are going to starve to death so these idiots could blow up some worthless missile in the name of national pride. Can't wait for the upcoming nuclear tests, many more laughs to come.
/

Yeah because their last two nuclear test explosions failed so badly, oh wait...

/Sigh...the Nuke part they have, it is the Intercontinental rocket part that they need, they already test fired rockets that proved that they could hit Japan and the Philippines. Many think that the intent of this new three stage rocket is to prove that they could also hit the continental United States.

Mostly sane, most of the time. Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:23:32pm

re: #45 SanFranciscoZionist

On of his nephews is Kim Han-Sol. Without knowing a thing about him, as a Star Wars buff I think he would be fine dictator.

Of course. He'd always shoot first, though.

Four More Tears Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:25:57pm

re: #47 Tiny Alien Kitties are Watching You

Yeah because their last two nuclear test explosions failed so badly, oh wait...

/Sigh...the Nuke part they have, it is the Intercontinental rocket part that they need, they already test fired rockets that proved that they could hit Japan and the Philippines. Many think that the intent of this new three stage rocket is to prove that they could also hit the continental United States.

It falls short of that.

freetoken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:27:12pm

Just a reminder, tonight on National Geographic Channel is the hot, action filled special Sex In The Stone Age:

Is it possible early modern man interbred with other types of humans, creating an entirely new hybrid person? Sex in the Stone Age delves into an evolutionary mystery that could revolutionize our understanding of who our ancestors really were. Ancient human fragments are found in Siberia, and DNA testing shows that they are neither a Neanderthal nor a modern human, but another human group previously unknown to science.

Hominins Gone Wild.

dragonath Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:28:41pm

So, put their food aid on the line for this? Talk about a lose-lose.

Hawaii69 Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:28:56pm

It was ineb...inebata...ineb....INEBATA-BULL!!

watching you tiny alien kittens are Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:29:17pm

re: #49 Oblivious Troll

It falls short of that.

How could it possibly fall short if it was capable of lifting the appropriate sized payload to orbit (without blowing up or falling apart of course)?

Kragar Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:29:36pm

re: #50 freetoken

Just a reminder, tonight on National Geographic Channel is the hot, action filled special Sex In The Stone Age:

Hominins Gone Wild.

And for the counter argument:

"JESUS CHRIST IS LORD!"

Killgore Trout Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:29:58pm

The person who is probably most in touch with the "common man" inside the beltway is Joe Biden. God bless him but think about that.

freetoken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:31:35pm

re: #55 Killgore Trout

The person who is probably most in touch with the "common man" inside the beltway is Joe Biden. God bless him but think about that.

Well, he likes beer and tanning booths and sports.

Hawaii69 Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:31:40pm

No food aid and a missile that doesn't work.

Looks like a win-win siuation for North Korea.

justaminute Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:31:46pm

President Obama has sure reflected an interest in being more visible in the Pacific. My son's squadron is an Atlantic based squadron but they are being moved to Japan. The only thing my son could mention that they were sure going to be traveling quite a bit while they were there. The Navy and the Marines are so happy to be out of Afghanistan.

My son said that the Marines were going to have to be retrained. They were also going to reduce the size of them. My son said everyone is so happy to be back out on the ocean.

dragonath Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:33:37pm

I seem to remember reading something about a HAM radio guy operating out of North Korea for a while, but he got shut down. North Korea and Yemen are the only countries that prohibit that kind of thing.

blueraven Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:33:41pm

re: #55 Killgore Trout

The person who is probably most in touch with the "common man" inside the beltway is Joe Biden. God bless him but think about that.

What is your point?

Four More Tears Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:35:50pm

re: #53 Tiny Alien Kitties are Watching You

How could it possibly fall short if it was capable of lifting the appropriate sized payload to orbit (without blowing up or falling apart of course)?

This one was estimated at 4500 km with a 500kg payload. Getting something into space doesn't mean you have unlimited range.

SanFranciscoZionist Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:38:21pm

re: #51 Beware the Green Dragon!

So, put their food aid on the line for this? Talk about a lose-lose.

No one who makes the decisions misses a meal if they lose the food aid. It really does make an astonishing difference in how you choose.

Also, of course, being pure, fucking, evil.

SanFranciscoZionist Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:40:18pm

re: #55 Killgore Trout

The person who is probably most in touch with the "common man" inside the beltway is Joe Biden. God bless him but think about that.

And his wife taught school.

freetoken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:41:36pm

Oh, and doing a search on that NGC documentary has Google leading me to ... Stormfront.

And I'm not surprised - they really dig this physical anthropology stuff (well, I already knew that there was already a robust subculture of "scientific" racists ala Derbyshire.)

And they love twisting the truth to fit their racism. E.g., one of the comment on that thread:

Australoids do resemble Neanderthals the most of any living race.
Although I think Neanderthals were more modern than Australoids.
(Despite similar primtiive features)
The Neanderthal cranial capacity was nearly 1/4th larger than Australoids.

The first sentence is just wrong. The second sentence is just the racist thesis. And the last sentence is directly contradicted by the first one (and thus the whole paragraph is an exercise in illogic.)

And that and other comments drag on in their stupidity and ignorance.

Four More Tears Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:43:07pm

re: #61 Oblivious Troll

This one was estimated at 4500 km with a 500kg payload. Getting something into space doesn't mean you have unlimited range.

I should clarify that the satellite on board this rocket was about the size of a mini-fridge. Throw a warhead on this thing and it's not getting anywhere near a stable orbit.

dragonath Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:43:27pm

Well, the Stormfront people would know all about Neanderthals!

Hawaii69 Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:45:44pm

re: #53 Tiny Alien Kitties are Watching You

How could it possibly fall short if it was capable of lifting the appropriate sized payload to orbit (without blowing up or falling apart of course)?

Because I believe the rocket was a bunch of 55 gallon drums welded together, painted white, and filled with gasoline....

4500km would land a small warhead at the tip of the Aleutian Islands, if it actually worked.

as for the nuke part....it is still questionable as to whether those were successful tests.

Four More Tears Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:46:36pm

re: #66 Beware the Green Dragon!

Well, the Stormfront people would know all about Neanderthals!

How dare you offend Neanderthals like that?!

freetoken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:48:15pm

Just watched the Onion video downstairs. They really know how to do humor, better than so much of contemporary TV or film.

Four More Tears Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:51:33pm

re: #69 freetoken

Just watched the Onion video downstairs. They really know how to do humor, better than so much of contemporary TV or film.

I stay away from comedy movies and sitcoms these days. A couple, like How I Met Your Mother and Modrn Family, can get a chuckle out of me, but not so much that I have a desire to follow them.

justaminute Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:57:58pm

I hate using food aide as a bargaining chip against a starving people. The government cares nothing for the people. The government failed. Let them have the food.

funky chicken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:59:11pm

re: #24 Killgore Trout

Don't fell bad. The real laugh is on all those people who are going to starve to death so these idiots could blow up some worthless missile in the name of national pride. Can't wait for the upcoming nuclear tests, many more laughs to come.
/

Or on everybody involved in this failed project. I assume they will soon find themselves scrounging for rats and insects at some awful prison.

McSpiff Thu, Apr 12, 2012 7:59:49pm

re: #71 justaminute

I hate using food aide as a bargaining chip against a starving people. The government cares nothing for the people. The government failed. Let them have the food.

Its bargaining with the DPRK's Armed Forces' food.

funky chicken Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:00:06pm

re: #71 justaminute

You know the starving average citizen doesn't get the food, right?

Four More Tears Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:02:02pm

re: #71 justaminute

I hate using food aide as a bargaining chip against a starving people. The government cares nothing for the people. The government failed. Let them have the food.

Even my bleeding heart disagrees with you.

SpaceJesus Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:02:19pm

The whole thing is fucked up. There is nothing we can do to help regular North Koreans.

Kragar Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:04:13pm

re: #71 justaminute

I hate using food aide as a bargaining chip against a starving people. The government cares nothing for the people. The government failed. Let them have the food.

Sorry, doesn't work that way. Best thing for the average North Korean is to do everything possible so their leadership collapses.

Kronocide Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:04:52pm

(Reuters) - North Korea's much hyped long-range rocket launch on Friday ended in apparent failure, South Korean officials said, dealing a blow to the prestige of the reclusive and impoverished state that defied international pressure to push ahead with the plan.

North Korea had.... prestige?

justaminute Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:05:49pm

re: #74 funky chicken

You know the starving average citizen doesn't get the food, right?

What little the have just means that the government is going to get the little and the people are going to get none. Even if the gov. gets the most the people will still get something. Maybe if we show them our humanity even when they didn't comply with our demands might effect them in how they deal with us. What does it hurt?

justaminute Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:11:20pm

re: #77 Kragar

Sorry, doesn't work that way. Best thing for the average North Korean is to do everything possible so their leadership collapses.

We have been hoping for that for a long time. In dealing with NK we have been doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Maybe we should go a different route.

SanFranciscoZionist Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:39:08pm

re: #64 freetoken

Oh, and doing a search on that NGC documentary has Google leading me to ... Stormfront.

And I'm not surprised - they really dig this physical anthropology stuff (well, I already knew that there was already a robust subculture of "scientific" racists ala Derbyshire.)

And they love twisting the truth to fit their racism. E.g., one of the comment on that thread:

The first sentence is just wrong. The second sentence is just the racist thesis. And the last sentence is directly contradicted by the first one (and thus the whole paragraph is an exercise in illogic.)

And that and other comments drag on in their stupidity and ignorance.

Some people just need to be forced to listen to the whole of "The Mismeasure of Man" on tape. Read by Dr. Ruth.

SanFranciscoZionist Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:40:07pm

re: #66 Beware the Green Dragon!

Well, the Stormfront people would know all about Neanderthals!

Only Africans have no Neanderthal blood!

A fact which was immediately misunderstood by every racist idiot who heard it.

SanFranciscoZionist Thu, Apr 12, 2012 8:40:51pm

re: #71 justaminute

I hate using food aide as a bargaining chip against a starving people. The government cares nothing for the people. The government failed. Let them have the food.

I'd agree, if we could actually deliver it to people who need it.

Mich-again Thu, Apr 12, 2012 9:18:32pm

Actually the missile was going along just fine until our death star zapped it with a "laser".

lawhawk Fri, Apr 13, 2012 6:01:14am

The juiche was ~~strong~~ wrong with that launch.

Those who were responsible have been sacked.
Those who were responsible for the sacking have themselves been sacked.

May the sackers and sackees find themselves a nice quiet corner of the North Korean gulag archipelago to ponder how they managed to waste so many resources on a missile program when they can't feed their own people (that's left up to international humanitarian aid, which the North Korean regime later claims was tribute to the regime, not a handout out of food that the regime so desperately needs).

Flavia Fri, Apr 13, 2012 8:29:04pm

I would never laugh at you for being an optimist. Commiserate with you for being disappointed, maybe, but laugh? That would hurt too much - because I'd rather you have been right.

Spy Mode Auto

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