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44 comments

1 Charles Johnson  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:16:26pm

This one actually made me lol.

2 Charles Johnson  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:17:50pm

“Pass law, women give big smiles at us again, big votes.”

3 Eclectic Cyborg  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:20:20pm

I wonder how many conservatives will think this is real.

4 PhillyPretzel  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:21:33pm

re: #3 Eclectic Cyborg (formerly dragonfire1981)

Too many.

5 Decatur Deb  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:23:09pm

re: #3 Eclectic Cyborg (formerly dragonfire1981)

I wonder how many conservatives will think this is real.

>0.

6 Charles Johnson  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:23:13pm

USE OF SHELTERS - If see woman cry on street, first ask why she not home with family. Say, ‘Did bad man do hurt sex with you?’ If her head says yes, tell her there new house for pretty lady with nice cooking sink kitchen and friendly warden man with big wallet and no fists for hands.

(1) This man no punch pretty lady unless in problems like in Subsection (B) or if she bare her teeths at his eyes. If putting fist to woman face, man be sad, many scary things happen to him, like in Subsection (G).

7 EPR-radar  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:24:46pm

re: #6 Charles Johnson

Conservative model legislation can be written by Onion staffers. Explains much.

8 Stoatly  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:42:16pm

This piece from the Slacktivist Blog makes me think of the Breitbrats doubling-down on “Friends of Hamas”:

Jackie at the crossroads

Now Jackie is at a moral crossroads. She has to make a choice. The actual facts do not appear to be in dispute, but she is invested in this story…
…Forced to choose by the Snopes page confronting her on Dan’s phone, she will either have to disavow or double-down.

When it comes to it, this kind of moral crossroads is rarely experienced as a difficult dilemma. A choice must be made, but that choice will almost always by based on the kind of person making it — based on the character and habits and practice that have shaped that person up until this moment of choosing. A good Jackie will take one path, a bad Jackie will take the other.

9 FemNaziBitch  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:44:58pm

I don’t think even some of the GOP will understand broken Chinese English version of the bill.

10 engineer cat  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:52:06pm

A good Jackie will take one path, a bad Jackie

somebody called ‘bad jackie’ sounds like more fun on a date

11 FemNaziBitch  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:53:06pm

re: #10 engineer cat

A good Jackie will take one path, a bad Jackie

somebody called ‘bad jackie’ sounds like more fun on a date

bad Jackie eats oreos.

12 Stoatly  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:54:33pm

re: #11 FemNaziBitch

bad Jackie eats oreos.

So does good Jackie - everyone has a weakness…

13 Vicious Babushka  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:56:05pm

“Did science on not fat ladies.”

Did they loose weight first?

14 PhillyPretzel  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:58:28pm

re: #13 Vicious Babushka

They are afraid to say skinny. They have heard that women punch those who say they are not skinny.

15 FemNaziBitch  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:59:37pm

Women give us big smiles. Big smiles mean sex, maybe.

16 PhillyPretzel  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:00:10pm

re: #15 FemNaziBitch

To their way of thinking yes.

17 Charles Johnson  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:00:34pm

It really is comical. There must be more than a dozen new anti-Hagel rants.

18 FemNaziBitch  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:01:39pm

The Haggle over Hagel is entertaining.

19 b_sharp  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:02:40pm

re: #11 FemNaziBitch

bad Jackie eats oreos.

Who eats Bad Jackie?

20 engineer cat  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:02:47pm

re: #11 FemNaziBitch

bad Jackie eats oreos.

bad jackie gets free drinks by flirting with the maitre d’ while winking at you over his shoulder

21 FemNaziBitch  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:03:18pm

bbl,

have to go work on a bumper sticker

22 FemNaziBitch  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:03:44pm

re: #20 engineer cat

bad jackie gets free drinks by flirting with the maitre d’ while winking at you over his shoulder

So, bad Jackie is a gay man?

23 b_sharp  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:03:52pm

BTW, the word is lose, not loose.

If I set my cat loose I will lose my cat.

24 PhillyPretzel  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:04:55pm

re: #23 b_sharp

Upding for neat icon.

25 dragonath  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:05:33pm

It really is amazing how Hagel has become such a pincushion for attacks on the administration. Really, it’s hurting them more than it’s hurting Obama.

26 engineer cat  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:05:34pm

re: #22 FemNaziBitch

So, bad Jackie is a gay man?

maybe on somebody else’s date, but in my fantasy bad jackie looks like kim kardashian and is winking at me over the maitre d’s shoulder

27 Vicious Babushka  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:05:43pm

DERP. Because the Blue side will have Professionals to kick your dumb ass.

28 b_sharp  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:06:14pm

re: #24 PhillyPretzel

Upding for neat icon.

I stole it.

29 engineer cat  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:06:46pm

re: #19 b_sharp

Who eats Bad Jackie?

my contract doesn’t allow me to understand that

30 Vicious Babushka  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:06:58pm

re: #23 b_sharp

BTW, the word is lose, not loose.

If I set my cat loose I will lose my cat.

I’m quoting a former Lizard (no longer with us) who used that phrase, while claiming to be so much smarter and better educated than everyone else.

31 Decatur Deb  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:08:30pm

re: #27 Vicious Babushka

DERP. Because the Blue side will have Professionals to kick your dumb ass.

And a surprising number of advanced amateurs deep behind your lines.

32 Kragar (Antichrist )  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:11:30pm

re: #27 Vicious Babushka

DERP. Because the Blue side will have Professionals to kick your dumb ass.

Luckily, we will have plenty of confirmation about where they are exactly thanks to all the stupid petitions and clubs they’ve signed up for.

33 b_sharp  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:12:00pm

re: #30 Vicious Babushka

I’m quoting a former Lizard (no longer with us) who used that phrase, while claiming to be so much smarter and better educated than everyone else.

I have seen several people use it lately.

And I’m a pedantic asshole.

34 stabby  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:20:34pm
Now Jacki has choice make. Depends, is Jackie good person? Good Jackie take one path, bad Jackie take other!

Can anyone tell this illiterate tripe from the onion?

35 Lidane  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:21:31pm

re: #27 Vicious Babushka

That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.

OTOH, the outcome would probably be the same if these idiot rednecks tried to take on the government.

36 NJDhockeyfan  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:23:12pm

BREAKING: FBI, SBI detonate 2nd package at storage facility

WILMINGTON, NC (WWAY) — FBI and SBI agents have detonated a second suspicious package found at a storage facility on Carolina Beach Road. Earlier today another package exploded as a bomb robot shot at it as agents tried to figure out what was in it.

The FBI and the SBI are conducting an investigation at North State Storage on Carolina Beach Road south of Monkey Junction. Law enforcement has ordered a mandatory evacuation for businesses around North State Storage on the east side of Carolina Beach Road as they continue to investigate.

…Brewer says agents are still dealing with one more suspicious package they found in the storage unit. They do not know what is in the package, but they are X-raying it to decide if they’ll need to detonate it. The bomb squad did the same thing to the most recently detonated package. They buried it before exploding it.

37 FemNaziBitch  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:41:52pm

please share and share alike

tell your Representative

38 Vicious Babushka  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:47:28pm

re: #35 Lidane

That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.

OTOH, the outcome would probably be the same if these idiot rednecks tried to take on the government.

Funny how they all remember 1776, conveniently forget 1861 and how that turned out.

39 Shvaughn  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 5:22:39pm

re: #38 Vicious Babushka

Funny how they all remember 1776, conveniently forget 1861 and how that turned out.

They remember the Civil War, they just want a do-over of it.

40 ProBosniaLiberal  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 5:30:11pm

re: #27 Vicious Babushka

Not only that, but us on the Left in the US haven’t alienated the rest of the world, and aren’t threatening everyone either. We could call any nation we want.

Though I would suggest Norway. For their size, they are over-armed, and they might want to release some of that pent up anger on a bunch of corpulent hicks.

41 chadu  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 6:55:39pm

re: #35 Lidane

That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.

Well, all their knowledge of Spartan culture comes from 300, and not, like y’know, actual history…

42 chadu  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 6:56:29pm

re: #38 Vicious Babushka

Funny how they all remember 1776

Love that movie.

43 Mentis Fugit  Thu, Feb 21, 2013 7:47:12pm

re: #20 engineer cat

bad jackie gets free drinks by flirting with the maitre d’ while winking at you over his shoulder

Bad Jackie’s setting up a threesome with the maitre d’.

44 steve_davis  Fri, Feb 22, 2013 9:56:52am

re: #35 Lidane

That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.

OTOH, the outcome would probably be the same if these idiot rednecks tried to take on the government.

Thank you. I just had a gun control student in class end a paper with MOLON LABE! Now I at least know what the context was. I said nothing moral/religious. Apparently I should have realized that gun control qualifies on both scores to the right wing.


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 Frank says:

If something goes wrong and you tend to smile it away, then you have someone to blame.